I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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