I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
