I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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