Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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