your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
