Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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