every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
