Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
