Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
