I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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