mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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