I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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