Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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