feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
