My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
