I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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