I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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