Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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