i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
