btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
