i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
