i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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