so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
