Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
