Sry I called you an 8
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
