there's paper in my vomit.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
