This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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