Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
