There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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