sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
