butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
