Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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