I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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