hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Terrible idea I love it
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