i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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