he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
