dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
