How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
