ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
