Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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