Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
