but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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