I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
