so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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