I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
