i don't like sucking hair
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
