Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I understand Curling. That high.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
