Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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