Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
