My brain says no but my pants say off.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
