Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
