: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
