12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
