I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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