was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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