; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
