We are two peas in an std pod
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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