Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
